... rend the heavens and come down ...
Reading The Constitutions of the Capuchin Friars Minor for Franciscan studies, The Pilgrim for spiritual reading, The City in History by Mumford for my continuing liberal education.
Continuing our class sessions on the Capuchin Constitutions with Brother Jack. My novice brothers from our home province met to discuss our presentation on the chapter on apostolic life (ministry). We have our homework assignments.
This afternoon, hermitage time for the first time in a couple of weeks. Earlier in the afternoon I visited Old Mission Santa Ines for an hour of theological reflection on ministry with our Capuchin brother, Fr. Harold Snider, the Catholic chaplain at FCC Lompoc. A good meeting, conducted using the Socratic method. We will have these meetings probably monthly on a Wednesday. A good complement to the Friday faith-sharing session and the once-monthly Sunday Masses. Later in the afternoon, a walk off the beaten path in the now-green, green valley cradling our seminary.
Today was the first day I fasted since Christmas Eve. I was not really hungry, but I was craving all kinds of good things, and by turns I felt tired, weak, hazy, crabby, and ill-mannered, sometimes all at the same time. Still striving to consecrate all the choices that affect my body -- how I eat and drink, how I fast, how I sleep, how I exercise, and how I recreate. Realizing how far short I come up to a compassionate practice of the basic activities of life.
How I want to see heaven torn open and come down, or erupt from the earth and come up! Both, and. Isaiah's prophetic poetry stirs me. "For Zion's sake I will not be quiet; for Jerusalem's sake I will not be still." But I am to remain here in the Santa Ynez Valley and be both quiet and still for another six months. I have not fully examined my conscience and consciousness. I have not synthesized my learnings or discoveries. I have not yet really and fully integrated my spiritual understanding of the Capuchin Franciscan life into my doing.
Rend the heavens? Rend your garments first.
It's not time to leave the desert. The personal and interpersonal conversion must continue.
Couldn't see or feel the sun today.