... I even consider everything as a loss....
Beginning new books, both classics in their own right:
Hurston, Zora Neale. Their Eyes Were Watching God. New York: HarperPerennial, 1998.
Mumford, Lewis. The City in History. New York: Harcourt, Brace, & World, 1961.
For the dedicated reader: the November issue of The Caperone is online.
Feeling sad and sober this morning. Trying to avoid self-pity as I examine my conscience. After our conferences with Fr. Gerard McGlone on celibacy in religious community, feeling contrite about my shortcomings as a brother -- not with respect to physical chastity, but with emotional and spiritual chastity. It is with respect to practicing genuine friendship in God with my fellow brothers, to loving all and serving all with a clean heart. Whenever the quality of our fraternity suffers, whenever we fall short of the fullness of charity, I am apt to protect myself from the dysfunction or immature behavior. In other words, instead of participating in conflict resolution and building peace, I look out for my own well-being apart from the fraternity. The more courageous thing to do, the healthier thing to do, is to seek my well-being with the fraternity when there is conflict, because my well-being depends ultimately on the quality of the fraternity. I am worth it, and they are worth it. We are all children of God and brothers in Jesus and Francis.
Had to get that confession out of my soul. Now, to resolve to do better and be better in community. Namely, to approach brothers with renewed trust, with selfless love, with agape. Beginning again, yet again, is hard to do. Time once more to let go of myself and hang on to Christ.
I'll post some of Father Jerry's insights on celibacy and religious community in a separate post.
Today, staying still at home. Reading, writing a few letters, and reflecting prayerfully. Thinking about loved ones back in Northeast, their lives crabbed and cramped after a second severe storm.
Outside and inside, it's cloudy and gray, and chilly and damp. It's all right -- it's got to be like this some of the time. But got to keep moving.