Saturday, April 28, 2012

Plugged Up

Been feeling plugged up today. Not plugged up as in nasally, but spiritually. I don't know why for sure, though I have some ideas.

Until Thursday, before I knew I was moving on to interprovincial postulancy and novitiate, it was easy to stay in the present moment. When you are mindful and heartful, it is easy not to want to know what tomorrow will bring, when in fact you do not know what tomorrow will bring. Now, I do want to know what tomorrow will bring, and how it will be brought, because I do know my tomorrow. And suddenly I find it difficult to be in the present moment.

I showed good hospitality to the brothers gathered at St. Michael Friary today for the formation council, but inside I felt distracted and unable to banter the way I would have liked. I tried to read a little bit of theology today to exercise my mind, but that did not work. I tried to do a little spiritual reading, and I only fell asleep. No motivation to do physical exercise, either. I could pray a little, but what I want most to do -- to fall on my knees in the chapel and remain in rapt attention for hours -- I do not do.

Could the disciples have felt like this between their witness of the risen Christ and the descent of the Holy Spirit? They got a glimpse of glory, but then they ran and hid? It's only human to do that, I guess, but it's not fully human; that is, it's what the human who is still a being less than fully human does.

To look at the day more positively, this restless state of mind and heart may be merely the sign that my soul acknowledges and accepts the finality of postulancy and is ready to move on. Now, to be accepting while remaining receptive to the Spirit in the place one dwells for a little longer ... that is the aim. After all, we are nearly halfway through the season of Easter. Having left the tomb, we journey on to the upper room, a far better place to be, yet still only a waystation. What's the final destination?

A temple of a priestly nation. This body, only risen.

This body is and will be the temple of the Spirit of God, which blows wherever she will. The Spirit doesn't like being plugged up. She doesn't like us being plugged up. She doesn't like at all. She loves. She is in love. She is, in love. She plugs us in and turns us on. So I say to myself: Be not a tomb! Don't stall in the upper room! Say your prayers, then zoom! To the kin(g)dom, the power, and the glory.

Sons and daughters of Francis and Clare, pray for me ... pray for all of us.

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