Listless

Been feeling listless most of the day. Some of the seniors at Via Christi had more pep than me today. I am sorry for not being as engaging with them as I could have been, as I ought to have been, as they needed me to be. Took an hours' rest when I came home from the rest home, and I just had dinner, and I still feel sluggish. And a mite cranky.

I am not ill, just low on energy. Maybe it's just the high heat. Or I must have stayed up an hour too late playing games with the brothers and reading about the Supreme Court decision on the Affordable Care Act. Or I must be eating too little. Or I must be craving more personal time and less social time.

Sometimes I wish I were not so much of an introvert. You can desire to change, and indeed you can grow into a better person by God's grace, but it is your own person who remains after the changes. You cannot make a zebra change its stripes into spots. To put it more bluntly, a cow don't make ham.

I never suspected that interprovincial postulancy would be so challenging. Exercise is supposed to invigorate the body. Our fundamental exercise, fraternal interaction, leaves me enervated much too often. This soul is working out, but the spiritual muscles are developing oh so slowly.

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This weekend I hope to do some backtracking on the week: Franciscan spirituality from historian Fr. Bill Hugo's point of view, and a sneak peek into novitiate. This may or may not happen. My cooking crew is on for the midday meal tomorrow, and I have other house chores before group recreation offsite in the evening with the brothers. Sunday is for worship and catching up with the family. In addition, I will be composing, revising, and editing my vocation story, to share first with the fraternity on Monday evening, when my turn comes to tell my tale; and second with my formators, who will vet it and offer criticism as necessary. (This written account of my Capuchin journey will be given to the spiritual director I will be assigned in California.) Finally, I will be gathering some of the brothers Sunday evening to discuss a prayer vigil I feel called to organize in the coming week. Please pardon your correspondent if promised posts fail to publish!