Recuperando

The last 24 hours have been a blur while I have been battling bad bacteria for at least the third time in the last three months. This will be the last time, I swear it! It has to be the last time, with only five days to go in Bolivia. 

The hours crawled by. I could not sleep, but at least I found restful positions in which I could lie. I felt my body temperature rising in response to the bad bacteria inside my intestines. I trust my body has been fighting the good fight. Being somewhat dehydrated, my mouth and throat dried out and I caught a sore throat, though that seems to be on the wane. I drank some liquid, but I did not eat because I had no appetite. Up to now I have eaten nothing since breakfast yesterday, but I will try some food later on. Anyway, I muddled through, hour after hour. The music from the Bolivian Independence Day parades, yesterday and today, has continued steadily, muffled in the distance. My earplugs worked well to keep out the ruckus—joyful, but still a ruckus. Hour after hour crept by slowly. From last afternoon to this one it was like a 24-hour night for me. 

Am I getting better? I do not know. I have nothing to expel. I feel a little hungry now. But I will not eat a full meal, lest I overdo it. Easy does it for the rest of this day. As for tomorrow, when classes resume, it’s a roll of the dice. Do I go to class, arrive late, or stay at the convent? It’s a game-day decision. Thank goodness for the national holiday; I did not miss classes today. 

In addition to Bolivian Independence Day, this is the feast of the Transfiguration, one of the most important Christian celebrations of the year for me. I have written poetry about it. The Transfiguration is like a compass for me; it gives direction to my discipleship. When I am in doubt about where to go and what to do, I can remember the Transfiguration. Christ is risen, and his Transfiguration is a foreshadowing of this ultimate reality. Since I was laid low a day ago, I have not really prayed—too tired to do anything. But oh, how I would like to pray. How I would like just to remain in the presence of the risen Christ, the transfigured Christ, the exalted Christ. Active as I have been over the years, there is nothing I would prefer more than to drop my busyness and enter the presence of God for all time, for all eternity. But I need to be honest to God and honest with myself. When I say I want to drop everything and enter the presence of God, do I really rather want to enter the presence of myself? Instead of holy solitude with the Holy One, is it an ungracious isolation where I deify myself? 

Let it not be that way. God will never leave me alone. God would never have it that way. The Transfiguration of Jesus took place in the company of Peter, James, and John. Even as my soul, mind, and spirit have flown from Bolivia (and the body is soon to follow) for some impossible sanctuary of isolation, God will chase my wayward parts and reintegrate them in the company of others. The communion of saints is the holy solitude and exalted community destined for me.