We had some hot days recently in Cochabamba. It has also been very dry, too. I do not remember the last day it rained here. The level of Rio Rocha is falling. Today was a cooler day, but overcast, totally. There is light, but it is a dry, gray, stale light. Not a colorful light today. Oh well.
It was an okay day at Maryknoll. We are now integrating the preterite perfect tense and the past participle in general. I had more than enough energy for classes, and a good rapport with Joshua and the teachers. But once I returned to the convent after the walk from Maryknoll, there was a complete drop-off in energy and momentum. I tried to nap, though I know that’s not good for insomnia, but I wasn’t able to snooze. Maybe I rested, but I did not sleep. Now that I think about it, I haven’t had a nap in weeks. I wanted to exercise but felt too tired to do it. Living with insomnia is living in a half-world where nothing is right: too awake at the wrong time to rest and be still, too tired the rest of the time to do what you want.
My appointment for the specialist is on Monday afternoon. In the meantime, tomorrow is El Día del Trabajador, with the day off, Thursday is the field trip for the feast of Santa Vera Cruz, then one more day of classes this week, and the weekend. We will see how it goes.
If I cannot feel centered in God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit by day, then maybe I will have to turn my disadvantage into an advantage. Like Nicodemus, I ought to seek Jesus at night. Of course, I wonder. I wonder if I can go to Jesus at night, any night, this very night. Also I wonder if Jesus will come to me at night, any night, this very night. Do I have faith? Will he be there? And where he is, will God be there also? This is my hope.
Dear God, I am faithful to many things, to many persons. Although I believe I am free, although I believe I can choose the good and do the good, I ask myself, in the deep of night, am I faithful to your Son, to the way of Jesus? Dear God, show me how to have faith, even though at this moment I do not know what it means to trust in you. Move my pondering back into prayer. Move me from self-consciousness back to consciousness of you. Move me from self-absorption back into love, of you and neighbor.
Finally, a change of pace for the blog today. As a supplement to the usual daily sleep report, I’ll share with you some songs that capture for me what it feels like to be sleepless. You may have heard of one or two of them. I guarantee you won’t have heard all of them. A peek into the music that swirls through my mind. A peek into my Anglophilia. Maybe also a peek into my sense of humor and my sense of soul.
“Eleanor Rigby,” The Beatles
“God’s Away on Business,” Tom Waits
“I Don’t Remember,” Peter Gabriel
“I’m Only Sleeping” and “I’m So Tired,” The Beatles
“In My Time of Dying,” Led Zeppelin
“Long Distance Runaround/The Fish,” Yes
“Moonlight on Vermont,” Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band
“Night Train,” James Brown
“Nights in White Satin,” The Moody Blues
“No Self Control,” Peter Gabriel
“Over Under Sideways Down,” The Yardbirds
“Sleepless,” King Crimson
“God’s Away on Business,” Tom Waits
“I Don’t Remember,” Peter Gabriel
“I’m Only Sleeping” and “I’m So Tired,” The Beatles
“In My Time of Dying,” Led Zeppelin
“Long Distance Runaround/The Fish,” Yes
“Moonlight on Vermont,” Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band
“Night Train,” James Brown
“Nights in White Satin,” The Moody Blues
“No Self Control,” Peter Gabriel
“Over Under Sideways Down,” The Yardbirds
“Sleepless,” King Crimson
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