Yesterday I neglected to note an event of pride for Bolivia and the Church. It was the very first memorial of Santa Nazaria Ignacia March Mesa (1889-1943), who was canonized last October by Pope Francis. She was a Spaniard who founded a religious order, Las Misioneras Cruzadas de la Iglesia, and served most of her life in Bolivia. After two decades in Oruro and La Paz as a nun in an order dedicated to service of the elderly and ill, Sister Nazaria received permission from the local bishops to begin a new congregation whose work was to raise up the dignity of poor women and promote their education.
Sister Nazaria said, “I want to lift Bolivia from its prostration; I do not want only bread for its poor, nor to distribute alms that are collected from charity. I want to raise the dignity of this people, teaching them to work, gaining dignified work, making them know that in the hands of everyone, of each one, is a partaking in the beauty, harmony, sweetness and happiness of being a child of God.” In her own words, the mission of her religious congregation was to “make people know the message of God who loves them. For this it is necessary to go to them, to descend to their level, and from there take them to God, to Jesus Christ our Lord. Yes, and unfortunately we are losing time if we do not go down to the street ... that is what our vocation for social action compels us to do.”
Her missionary order now works in 21 countries and continues to animate social action with poor women through workshops to empower them; through education; and through prison ministries and soup kitchens. May Sister Nazaria pray with us and inspire us to walk as Church on what the U.S. bishops have called “the two feet of love in action”: works of justice as well as works of charity. Let us now praise famous women!
I did have that nice long walk around Laguna Alalay yesterday. It must have been a good two and a half hours of steady walking, including the time it took to get to the lagoon and go back to Convento San Francisco. For an hour I paused to regard the vast pool and the mountains surrounding. No marvelous insights to match the marvel of the scene. I have not written any poetry in the last two months, so I sat until I almost finished writing the words of a song. Then I got up and perambulated.
Not quite the heroic works of a saint! Good words and good deeds have been hard to come by for me lately. Inspiration and courage are lacking. After several weeks of struggle with God and that trying time of insomnia, I have arrived at a place of repose. But really that is to say I am tired of confronting God and my own broken and empty heart. Being virtuous and also sinning “big”: these things are done. So I have come to rest after all the tumult, both joyful and sorrowful. I am at rest, but with that rest there stirs an unquiet within. Spiritually speaking, I have come to a full stop. A nearly full cycle has turned, corresponding closely with the arc of this immersion in Bolivia. The wheel is still. The unquiet, I guess, arises from this feeling of stagnation. In this time and in this place, I have come as far as I can go on the journey of faith. To go on, I have to move on from here. The wheel will set in motion when life carries me back to the United States.
So this is a time of low ambition and little things. Little things are all I set before me: one day of classes at a time; one good brief period of meditation wherever I can catch it, whether it is in the moments before classes start or the moments before evening Eucharist begins; one loving e-letter to a friar or a friend; one happy conversation a week over Skype with somebody dear. God changes lives through the risen Christ, and one day God may yet use me to do that; for now, I simply ask God to change my life (again) and show me how that change will come about.
I have prayed for the fighting spirit to return to me. I sense that it may flash at certain moments. But for now, I think the Holy Spirit is being coy and wants me to chase after Her, and the chase may continue all the way back to the United States.
As for God the obscure, the Other who is always beyond, I find it easier now to sit submissively and wait for human words that reveal the Word. I am listening more. And I ask God to make my heart more humble and much more contrite so that I may listen better. The heart is the organ that receives the meaning.
Today I will do some more walking, heading to the La Recoleta district in pursuit of a good café or heladería, somewhere where I can read and reflect and maybe recover inspired words and set them down. Some physical exercise to go with spiritual exercise. I have put on a few pounds after nearly five months of three carb-heavy meals daily without fasting; the sleeping medication has also increased my appetite and caused a weight gain. When I return to the U.S., I’ll be going back to two meals a day and fasting, and dropping the medication as quickly and safely as I can.
Let us listen together for a word from God with humble and contrite hearts. Keep me in your prayers, and I will keep you in mine. Amen! And thank you as always for reading the blog. Send me news about what is going on in your world when you are able.
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