All is quiet out here on the blog. Readership is down lately, which makes sense, given the time of the season in the United States. About a hundred Swedish bots produced a fake spike in page views the other day. Why, Sweden? The good news is that Russia’s bots have been quiet recently.
All is quiet in my own life, too. The most severe disturbance these days comes from frustration with classes. My mind would not cooperate today, as I was at a loss for words while going through grammatical exercises with Profesores Vicky and Óscar. This was one of those days where I did not want to be at school struggling solo for four hours. Days like this make time slow down, and not in a positive way. No moments to savor today—only unremitting mental labor. I am glad this day is done.
Despite the difficulties I had today and yesterday, I have decided it is better to remain on a morning schedule of classes. If I switch now to the afternoon, there will be no other students around at Maryknoll to keep me company. The only thing worse than taking solo classes is to take solo classes in an empty school. So I will continue the slog through the final four long weeks.
Sometimes God says No—um, make that often. I can only conclude, from the wisdom of the abovementioned Gospel, that now is not the time of trial that I think it is, in my frustration. Not even close, or I would have a needful eloquence. The Spirit is not speaking through me now, and most of the time the Spirit is not speaking through me. This, I accept with resignation. Maybe I am not asking for the aid of the Spirit as often as I suppose. You cannot claim to lack what you have not sought. Perhaps I have asked this before, but if I have not, then I will ask it now: do I really want to learn Spanish and appreciate Latin American culture? For all the good that has been presented to me through immersion, the truth is that learning Spanish is not something I wanted to do with all my heart. I have wanted to do it for the obvious needs of the Church, but I have not wanted to do it with genuine love for the undertaking. This, I confess.
Nothing more to say today—my hour has not yet come. Going to do my homework: a few sentences using the preterite perfect subjunctive (don’t ask), and a video on Mayan civilization. Tomorrow, Brother Scott and I intend to walk to Cochabamba’s botanical garden to see what blooms nicely in winter here. The dry season continues, and it corresponds perfectly to the spiritual dry season I am experiencing now. Not even much of a wind to stir things up. They say it gets gusty in August. Will I remain here long enough to catch the wind?
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