Humility begins, I guess, in remembering that we have received so many gifts.
We are ourselves, each of us, a being given by God. If we hold on to the memory of this truth, and if we stay in the experience of being given, then the grace of God will not have been sent in vain.
Knowing that we have been treated kindly, we will be kind to others. Knowing that we have received more than we deserved, we will give to others more than they deserve. Knowing that we have been loved before we loved, we will love others before they love.
Can we do it? Can we remember like this? And can we render, not according to the standard of justice, but beyond that standard according to the order of mercy?
Yes, if we go beyond reciprocity, if we go beyond quid pro quo. I would have to forget whatever it is I think I am entitled to and focus only on making an excellent offering in honor of the stupendous generosity that preceded me. Stay there, and the miraculous can happen. Leave that place, and loss is what enters.
I am not sure what these thoughts have to do with the day-to-day particulars of my Bolivian journey, or the continuing internal struggle with God. Maybe it all comes back home in the Psalms: “Praise the Lord, my soul; and do not forget all his gifts” (Psalm 103:2).
Even as I wrestle with an angel of the inscrutable, unknowable God whose ways I challenge, I remain devoted to Jesus Christ, and I chase the wind to grasp a wisp of the Holy Spirit. But Jesus Christ comes from that selfsame God, and the Holy Spirit proceeds from that selfsame God. The Son and the Spirit: it is all grace, it is all God.
And it is all good, although I do not know how it is good for me.
Perhaps that is not the point or never was the point. Much as I wish that God would let me delight in all the goodness just for myself, or especially in the particular goods I find most pleasing to me; or, most especially, be delighted in by somebody else, this is not how it works in the economy of grace. I am a partaker in the goodness of creation and the coming new creation, but I am not its possessor. Others may partake in my life and enjoy the goodness being given through me, but they cannot claim me, even if I want them to claim me.
How very far this seems from la vida cotidiana, but in fact it gets to the heart of the matter.
No comments:
Post a Comment